


Nocturnes

by grayfae



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Angst, Bisexual Sokka (Avatar), Established Relationship, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Minor Character Death, Multi, Past Relationship(s), normally not an angst fic person but here we are, past Sokka/Yue - Freeform, welcome to hell - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-15
Updated: 2019-08-30
Packaged: 2020-05-12 11:32:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19228312
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grayfae/pseuds/grayfae
Summary: Sokka rubbed at his eyes. Surely, there was a cloud that had drifted in the way, some dirt crusted onto his lashes, something. But there were no holes in the starry sky, and his hands came away clear. His heart stopped as one anxious thought ricocheted around his mind, echoing, reverberating over and over."The moon is turning dark."





	1. I

**Author's Note:**

  * For [dickpuncher420](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dickpuncher420/gifts).



     Sokka breathed in the cool night air deeply, stomach full from dinner, content. The palace gardens were alive and thrumming, buzzing with the chirping of the cicadacrickets. When he was little, there used to be nothing but the howling of the polar winds against the walls of the village, or the occasional wail from a walrusseal. When the only sounds in the night were shrieks, he came to dread the anticipation of silence, the waiting game it held him in. But this, the humming bouncing around the walls of the courtyard? It covered him like a blanket, comforting and all-encompassing. He had to admit -- Fire Nation nights were way more his speed.

     He meandered his way across the courtyard to the tree closest to the turtleduck pond. The water was still, reflecting the indigo of the sky above, save the sparkling of the lamplights' reflection around the far edge, and the pearly white of the full moon, just north of its center. Sokka sat on the grass and looked up.

     "Hey," he said. The moon said nothing back, but he smiled anyway and curled his fingers into the grass. "Missed you."

     He had tried to avoid it at first, but following the incident in the Foggy Swamp, Sokka knew he had to find a way to work through his grief in the wake of what happened at the North Pole. His first instinct was to journal, but ink was pricey when they were travelling. He considered prayer, but he didn't feel comfortable with the weightiness and formality that came with worship -- even if his skepticism had slipped after visiting the oasis. So instead, he found himself treating it like a standing date: going out during the full moon and just talking, gazing up at the moon, sharing updates about his friends and his work. He could only imagine the larger changes she saw from up there. Or the small ones, he supposed -- the ephemeral lives of humans could mean only so much to spirits. He didn't try to ask for answers, though. This was about them just existing together.

     "I'm living at the Fire Nation palace now. Like, instead of just sleeping here. With Zuko," Sokka started. "You remember -- phoenix tail, big scar, angsty, crown prince? I know I talked a lot of shit about him back when you were here. But he's changed a lot. Better hair, first of all." He snorted. "Had a whole come-to-spirits journey with his dad. Trained Aang. Took down his crazy sister. Took the throne. Changed ... well, everything."  
  
     "Remember when I told you about Suki? About a year ago?" A beat of silence. "Yeah, well. That was around the time I started consulting here, on and off. I guess it got to me more than I thought, when she left. I was ... lonely." Sokka's gaze shifted to the grass. He plucked out a blade, rubbing it between his fingers, soft and faintly velvety. "I didn't tell you. I should've, but I didn't want to have you worrying about me." He pressed his nail into the blade. It snapped soundlessly. "I kinda withdrew a bit. I still worked out, and I was at meals and I worked, but ... I don't know. I spent a lot of time reading and painting, and not enough time writing to Katara or Dad. I blew off a lot of tea with Iroh too. I really only talked to you that first month. I guess Katara sent Zuko a letter or something to check up on me."  
  
     He rubbed at his neck, a little embarrassed. This was tougher than he thought. "He started to knock on my chamber door after dinner and invite me out to help him with work later at night. Which turned into going to spar, and then going to drink and then just ... going out." He let the phrase hang there. "I don't really know why he cared. Guess that's something I still haven't grown out of." He smiled sheepishly ahead at the ivory dancing across the pool, feeling a blush brand itself high on his cheeks. "I know my dad's chief back home, and I know that I'm a more capable warrior now, and an alright ambassador. I know that I'm not ... not _nothing_ , you know? It's not like it'd be, like, out of the realm of possibility because of duty or lineage or whatever. But it's still so strange having someone the world depends on think you're worth the trouble, I guess. At least the time and effort." He pauses. "Or that someone beautiful thinks you're beautiful too, even when you know better because you know what your morning hair looks like, and what you look like when you've got the flu, and all that."

     "Anyway, so. Maybe four months ago he asked me to move out of the guest chambers and into the palace proper. I was travelling the last time I saw you and I wasn't ready to share, and the last two full moons were rainy, so I didn't get a chance to tell you. I hope you're not upset. But if it helps, I'm not as lonely as I was right when Suki left, and not when you're away now. I'm ... happy. I'm really happy." He glanced up again, smiling shyly, but his face fell immediately.  
  
     He knew tonight was the right night. He was certain. It was full when he first walked out. So why was the moon now halfway to half?

     Sokka rubbed at his eyes. Surely, there was a cloud that had drifted in the way, some dirt crusted onto his lashes, something. But there were no holes in the starry sky, and his hands came away clear. His heart stopped as one anxious thought ricocheted around his mind, echoing, reverberating over and over.

_"The moon is turning dark."_


	2. II

     Sokka didn't feel himself clamber to his feet, nor did he hear his footsteps as he flew out of the courtyard and sprinted down the tiled corridors. The doors and tapestries were a blur of red, gold, and black as he raced through the palace. Muscle memory carried him left, then right, then right again, up three flights of stairs, left, left, and to the Fire Lord's chambers. The guards held their arms out to block his path, but his fist shot out ahead of them, knocking frantically on the mahogany.

     "Zuk-- ow!" he cried, as the guards wrestled him back and away from the door. "This is an emergency! Let me talk to him!"

     "The Fire Lord has a right to his privacy," one of the guards warned.

     "From me? Are you kidding?" Sokka deadpanned.

     "We most certainly are not," chimed in the other.

     "Well, you should "most certainly" rethink that, because I have to talk to Zuko right now. It's urgent."

     "The _Fire Lord_ , you mean."

     "Fine, _Fire Lord_ Zuko," he said through gritted teeth. "Whatever. You have to let me see him. Open the door."

     "You can't demand that of us."

     "Oh, come on!" Sokka wrung his hands, losing his patience. "You know I've been in there more times than-"

     "Has he offered an official invitation to you to visit his private chambers tonight?" asked the first guard, taking a step forward and lowering his voice. "If he hasn't, even if you've been in there every night for the past week -- hell, the past month -- we can't let you in."

     "Ugh, I don't have time for this -- Zuko!" he called. The guards tried shushing him, but the door creaked open, silencing all three of them. Zuko stood there, hair already down from his topknot for the evening, his formal robes replaced with a soft tunic and trousers. He quickly scanned the scene before him -- Sokka's fists at his sides shaking with rage, the guards staring wide-eyed at him in equal parts fear and apology -- then leaned against the door jamb, eyes narrowing at the guards.

     "I recognize that you want to hold to your mandated duties. But I've told you before: Sokka doesn't need advance permission to visit my chambers," he said. The two guards shuffled their feet noncommittally. Zuko rolled his eyes. _Figures._  His antisocial father had set tight restrictions on when and how the Fire Lord could hold an audience and they weren't going to yield easily. Never mind that Zuko, unlike his predecessor, had the capacity to care about others and had maintained the throne for three years -- no, formality and etiquette always had to take precedence.

     "You are dismissed until I officially retire for the evening. Understood?" ordered Zuko. With a nod and a quick bow, the two guards took their leave. The moment they turned down the hall, Zuko turned his eyes on Sokka, who immediately grabbed at his wrist and rushed the opposite way. Zuko sputtered, indignant, but Sokka charged down the stairs and into the dark courtyard, trailing him behind. Sokka crossed in front of him and pointed up at the sky, panting slightly.

     "That. That's the emergency," he said.

     Zuko followed his finger to the moon, now at waning crescent. He squinted. "Huh?"

     Sokka pointed again, more forcefully now. "Look! It's supposed to be a full moon tonight. I know. I keep track."

     "You keep track?" He cocked his brow. "Is that a Water Tribe thing, or a Sokka thing?"

     "What's that supposed t-- you know what? Forget it. It doesn't matter. How fast can a hawk get from here to the North Pole?"

     "A hawk?"

     "You're right. A hawk won't be enough," Sokka mused. He started pacing back and forth across the grass. "What about a fleet? Our ships would take maybe three weeks, but with the motorization and the coal you use--"

     "Sokka," Zuko said, stepping in front of him, and holding him at arms' length. "What's all this about?"

     "Don't be an idiot!" Sokka spat, shrugging off Zuko's hands. "The moon. Going dark. This is _bad_ , Zuko! We have to send aid, defense, supplies --"

     "I'm not an idiot," he started. A flicker of impatience crossed his face.

     "Oh? You're not? Then why aren't you doing something?"

     "You're the one tracking the moon! You should know what today is!"

     "The _full fucking moon_ , like I've been saying?"

     "Yes," Zuko said, and pinched the bridge of his nose. "And a total lunar eclipse."

     Sokka gaped at him for a moment. _An eclipse? Now?_ He shook his head, flustered. "No way. Nope."

     "It is," Zuko said. "For someone tracking the dates, you should have known that was happening. It was on all the calendars."

     "You know I can't read the solar calendars you guys use," he grumbled, tapping his foot. "We use lunar back home. And all you have to do to know the cycle is to count to twenty-eight! You don't need a calendar."

     Zuko rolled his eyes, taking Sokka's hands. "You know, I can _help_ you read the calendar."

     "Whatever," Sokka huffed. "It doesn't matter."

     "I think it does, if this is throwing you into such a panic." Zuko paused, running a thumb over Sokka's knuckles. "I thought you knew."

     "Well, I didn't. And this might be worse."

     "Worse?"

     " _Eclipse_ , Zuko," he stressed, pitch rising. "Use your head. What happens during eclipses? What happened during the Day of Black Sun? What if something happens during this eclipse? There won't be any benders available to defend the city or the oasis."

     "Surely, Chief Arnook had a little foresight." _Unlike you_ , Zuko thought, but forced his inner nag aside. "There's plenty of capable non-benders who can stand guard -- I've met one or two. They're quite skilled, if I remember." He smiled gently, briefly, then shook his head. "And the Fire Nation was the aggressor last time the North was targeted. We're in peacetime now, and nobody wants to threaten that. I doubt anyone's going to make any meaningful moves to harm the tribe."

     "It's not just that," Sokka protested.

     "I'm listening."

     "Well, what if she ... if she's not ..." Sokka broke off, glancing towards the shimmering pond behind Zuko.

     "She?" Zuko wasn't really following. He chased Sokka's gaze, swerving into his line of sight again. Sokka made contact, eyes dark and watery and wild.

     "What if she doesn't come back again? When it's supposed to be over?" he said.

_Oh._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your support via kudos and comments! I was so elated by the feedback, I wrote this chapter as soon as I could. I hope to hear more from all of you soon -- you're all so wonderful.
> 
> So you all know: this next week will be very hectic in my personal life. I'm moving on Wednesday from Spain to the US (I was working abroad for a year), and come Sunday, I will be moved into my summer job at a residential camp. This means you may hear from me sparingly until mid-August, but I'll try to finish this fic this week before the summer really picks up.
> 
> In the meantime, please enjoy this new chapter!


	3. III

     Zuko's tongue slid into his cheek as Sokka scanned his face. He had only barely met the Northern Tribe's princess when she returned her life to the Moon spirit, and Sokka rarely, if ever, brought her up in conversation. He wracked his brain for the right emotions, but no one fit perfectly -- for him or for Sokka. Grief? Panic? Desperation? Shit. How was he supposed to feel about the absence of someone he never really knew? And how could he be properly comforting if he didn't have a diagnosis for the way those blue eyes darted, the shallowness of his breath, or the trembling of his fingers?  
  
     He settled on squeezing Sokka's hand, stilling him. "She should be fine. She's strong."  
  
     Sokka shook his head. "I want to believe you. I just ..." His face crumpled, eyes fixing on Yue, now waning cresent. "I promise I've seen this before. I know what lunar eclipses are, I remember seeing them back at home, and it's never bothered me before. But when ..."  
  
     He trailed off. A tear trickled down his cheek.  
  
     "You saw it?"  
  
     Sokka choked a little, a hand rubbing at his eye. "I saw everything."  
  
     Zuko pulled him closer instinctively, embracing him. Sokka shuddered. "I forgot you were there when Zhao ... I'd still been out cold on Appa," Zuko started.  
  
     Sokka sniffled, chuckling. "I nearly forgot about that. Sorry."  
  
    "Bullshit. My wrists were bruised for a week after," Zuko said.  
  
     "Sorry _now_. Not sorry _then_."  
  
     Zuko inhaled slowly, resisting the urge to roll his eyes. He should've expected him to sneak in a jab, even in the throes of these still-foreign feelings of loss-worried-wildness. He plunged ahead. "And then later, when I went after Zhao, and Aang pulled him under ..." He hesitated. "I never pieced it all together, not even when the moon returned. I should have known."  
  
     Sokka turned his face into the space between Zuko's neck and his shoulder, heaving a sigh. "How were you supposed to?"  
  
     Zuko tensed, drawing him closer. Sokka was right, of course. Even his uncle was reluctant to disclose the full unfolding of the events at the oasis. And truthfully, he didn't want to know. Not then, when he was still too selfishly seeking a destiny too far removed from that day, and not now, when he was loath to break the delicate peace pervading his nation and his home. Still, the guilt seared at his stomach -- though less because of his retroactive knowledge, and more because he didn't possess the proactive knowledge to be able to proceed.  
  
     A silence fell over them as the last sliver of silver ebbed away. They were bathed in blackness.  
  
     "It wasn't just watching Tui," Sokka conceded softly. "The world lost the moon for only a few minutes. And that was scary, believe me -- you don't just get over seeing a dead spirit. But when the moon came back ... Yue ..." He paused, swallowed. "She dissolved in my arms. She wasn't just dead. She was gone. Completely. And I ... I can't let her disappear again."  
  
     A beat.  
  
     "You must have really loved her," Zuko murmured, sincere.  
  
     Sokka lifted his head, pressing his forehead to Zuko's. He took a shaky breath, trying to let himself steady, but the words slipped out anyway, voice cracking. "I still do."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1) I'm back! Took long enough. Thought I could be back sooner, but the unpack/repack was too hard to execute alongside this.  
> 2) YES OK THIS IS PARTICULARLY SHORT. But the cuts feel right for where we are in this story. The next one will certainly run longer.
> 
> As always, comments are welcome. Thank you again for your continued support and kudos!


	4. IV

     Sokka's eyes fluttered shut as he tried to swallow his words back down -- fruitless, he thought, but he'd be damned if he wasn't going to keep up appearances. He didn't dare keep them locked with Zuko's, but he kept his head up by leaning their foreheads together. Don't look guilty, don't stare the guilt in the face. The blackness behind his lids would keep him steady. Slowly, though, the rusty red of the umbra seeped under his skin. The eclipse had reached its peak. They stood that way for a while, nose to nose, silent. He tried to blend into the choir of cicadacrickets. Something splashed quietly in the turtleduck pond, and he recoiled. A flurry of sensations hit him at once: the sharp flick of an ivory koi tail; Yue floating before him, ethereal; her lips, cool as water, against his; her fingers sublimating and vanishing into blackness.  
  
     "I'm sorry," Sokka heard himself say -- to Yue? To Zuko? He wasn't sure. He clamped down on his lip so hard that he tasted iron on his tongue.  
  
     "Don't be," Zuko said back. Sokka didn't bother correcting him, but wrapped his arms low around his waist. Zuko nudged his nose gently against Sokka's. Distantly, he felt another tear slide down his cheek. He flinched and turned his face away from Zuko to the pond, which had fallen still once more. Zuko followed his gaze and waited.  
  
     "I'm always going to ... worry about her," Sokka started. "Always going to to love her." He smiled wearily, finally glancing at Zuko. Zuko's eyes flashed back, gold burnished to bronze in the redness. "I should have told you back on that balloon. Should have told Suki too, back then. With real words. Not just ... me being cryptic and weird."  
  
     He paused and collected his thoughts, eyes drifting back to the pond. "She -- this -- is a part of me. And I know it was only for a little while. But Yue changed me. Being with her, protecting her, and watching ... all of that? It's altered everything about me. I still find myself looking up and feeling thankful for what she did. And guilty. And ... I don't know, humbled? In admiration?"  
  
     He huffs. "Shit, I still don't really know. But I do know that I'm always going to feel her with me. And I'm not able to let her slip away entirely." His jaw set. "I made a promise."  
  
     He looked up at Zuko again. "Look, I promise I'll try to love you the way I want to, but --"  
  
     Zuko's mouth intercepted his, a soft but insistent kiss pressing into him. When he pulled away, Sokka held his breath, all the world like a deermoose in the headlights.  
  
     "I ..." Sokka tried to begin, but the words died on his tongue. His brain felt fried. "I don't ... what?"  
  
     Zuko bowed his head slightly. His good cheek darkened. "I, uh ... sorry. It's just ... you know what you just said, right?"  
  
     Sokka stared back, replaying his words in his head. "That ... I'm trying?"  
  
     "To ..." Zuko drifted off, unable to say it back. He sighed. "That's the first time you've said it."  
  
      _Oh._ Sokka blinked, perplexed. "Is it? Huh." He rubbed his thumb along Zuko's side, thinking. "Could've sworn I'd mentioned."  
  
     Zuko peeled Sokka's hands away to focus, holding them in his. "No."  
  
     "Gotta work on that," Sokka mumbled to himself.  
  
     Zuko shook his head, ignoring him. "Whatever the case. If you do ... love me." The words tasted foreign. He squeezed Sokka's hand and forged ahead. "You know, you don't have to stop loving her. It's not a competition."  
  
     Sokka groaned and let his head fall on Zuko's shoulder. "I know. I know! But it feels like I can't give you what you need if I still feel so much for her."  
  
     "I don't need much," Zuko said. He pressed his lips to the top of Sokka's head. "This is more than enough."  
  
     "But you deserve all I can give you."  
  
     Zuko flushed so hard, Sokka felt it burn through his tunic. "Let's not talk about deserve," he said. "It's like you said. You're trying. That's more than I could have hoped for."  
  
     "But it's not 100%. What if I can't do any more?"  
  
     "I wasn't expecting more than 0. I invaded your home and threatened your grandmother the first day we met. The bar was _underground_."  
  
     "Point taken, but--"  
  
     "Sokka," Zuko said, growing antsy. "You're serious, right? About us?"  
  
     Sokka nodded.  
  
     "And me?"

     Another nod.  
  
     Zuko thought for a moment. "Words or it doesn't count."  
  
     Sokka rolled his eyes. "I call foul. You just heard me say I need to practice using words."

     "Damn right," he said. "So practice."  
  
     "You're insufferable."

     "And?"

     "And ... and you're right." He paused. "I love you."

     Zuko's heart stuttered, and he coughed. Sokka smirked at him. "Dork."  
  
     "Shut up," Zuko muttered, but felt his lips betray him as they cracked into a smile.

     "Nah," he said, kissing at the corner of his mouth.  
  
     Zuko let out a slow breath. "So you get it, then."

     "I guess."

     "Don't be difficult."

     "Well, where's the fun in that?"  
  
     "I can't believe I agreed to this."  
  
     "Sure did. You're stuck with me. Unless you're worried I'll leave you for the moon. Which I won't."  
  
     "Thanks for the reassurance," he said. "It's not like you could physically do that anyway."  
  
     "You know what I mean!"  
  
     Zuko snorted. "Still. It's nice to know you won't try to hijack another balloon to see her."  
  
     "Ok, one? That was to get my dad. Two? That balloon was _your_ idea!"  
  
     "Guilty."  
  
     "... you're not actually worried about that, are you?"  
  
      Zuko closed his eyes. "I'm honored that you want to love me." He paused. "And if you'll have me, I will love every part of you. Including the part that loves her. That clear?"  
  
     Sokka hesitated. Zuko raised a brow.  
  
     "Crystal," he finally said.  
  
     The moon started waxing again, brightening again in the sky. Sokka gazed up and chuckled to himself. "I think she likes you too."  
  
     Zuko turns his eyes the sky, up at Yue. "I won't let you down," he whispers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's all, folks!
> 
> If you're looking for a way to contact me with fic prompts for these too, you can follow me @meep-beep on tumblr.

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome! This is my first foray into fic since 2014, so please leave me your thoughts. I will do my best to post more as soon as I can.


End file.
